4:00 a.m. wake up

I woke up early.  Not unusual.  I used to thrash around and get frustrated about middle-of-the-night wake ups.  Maybe I woke at this hour because I was speaking with a friend about insomnia and short sleeps, on the telephone, last evening.  Maybe it just happened because something roused me in the night.  I know that sometimes I land in that place where thoughts move in and out of my mind.  I don’t know if they are dreams or actual thoughts.

These days, when this happens, I get myself up, make my bed and put on a pot of coffee.  This morning, before the rest of you were up, I decided to sort that big pile of paper that has, over months, been turning into a mountain.  Why does this happen?

While I was sorting, I came upon this in one of my memory books.

For all of those who sponsored me on my 30 mile Walk for Development when I was sixteen years old, “Thank You!”  Did I actually collect?  I’m looking at the list of people.

Well, Ramona, you were a bestie…so, the fact that I walked all 30 miles at 5 cents a mile, I  collected $1.50 from you.  That was a lot of money in the day, right?  (I received your Christmas card…thank you, dear friend.) And, Veronica, it’s been so nice to reconnect and follow your beautiful family photographs shared in social media. Kyle Harlan, well, you just pledged money out of guilt, didn’t you?  I will never forget how you tripped me as I walked down the aisle in geometry class?  Did any of my readers witness that?  I was wearing yellow fishnet stockings held up with a garter (I’m not kidding you) at the time…and a mini skirt!  All the rage in the day.

We lost wonderful Jeff Marshall just recently to cancer.  I always loved your wit and humour, Jeff, but 1 cent a mile???  Really? Your sense of humour…again.

Dan Hinkin passed away in 2013, the year of Mom’s passing!  10 cents!  Now, we’re talkin’.  I had such a huge crush on you, Dan! Honestly, though, I’m sure that I likely went about with butterflies in my tummy for the entire day that you pledged 10 cents a mile for my Walk for Development.  I’m guessing that on the day of the walk, that pledge likely carried me around the route, floating.  Hmmm…Nope!  I remember the blisters!

Allan?  Honestly, I don’t remember you.  Mike Dial, I got to know you through student politics.  Thank you.  2 cents a mile…wow…so, at the end of my 30 mile walk, did I collect on that 60 cents?  What was I doing, any way?  Mr. Winenger…my art teacher…(spelled wrong…again!), really?  5 cents???  How many students were asking you to sponsor them?  Certainly isn’t like putting out for Simple Simon Pies or cookie dough, though, was it?  Marc Bauer…well, this was a bit of an insult.

To all of you, who sponsored me, thank you.  This archive serves a single purpose for me this morning.  It reminds me of how naive I was.  How much did I raise for world development, in the end?

Oh!  I’ll let my readers figure it out!  I’m going to turn off my 6:00 a.m. alarm!

The Air is Humid and I Feel Like Alice

Last summer, I wrote some thoughts in a post titled What Happens When Your World Shrinks.  While I am not with my parents on Bridge Street, I still feel like Alice as she fell Down the Rabbit Hole.  Of this chapter, one of the quotes that strikes me best is, `But it’s no use now,’ thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!’  Really, there are so many lessons to be learned from Alice in Wonderland!

As I was watering the garden this morning, I was thinking about how big my world is, although to a great degree, the small bits continue to get larger in my eyes.  The flowers in the garden and the birds at the feeder become bigger with my observations of them and my time spent with them.  Does that make sense?

I meet my mother and father in front of a monitor, via Skype, most days at 5:00 p.m.

As I spend time with Mom this way, it is interesting that I feel I know her better.  Sometimes, when one is present to people, places and experiences, one is not completely wired in and there is so much ‘knowing’ lost.  Some would say this is ‘taking things for granted.” It is the world that shrinks…not the observer.  Given what is happening to me, the world is getting larger…and I am shrinking.  It is a ‘fantasticle’ thing, this, because it means that I don’t have to go very far in order to be amazed!

Recently I have been amazed by this new friendship with a cousin in Kansas.  Bit by bit, we piece together our common story as family.  Yesterday, I visited the resting place of a first cousin once removed, John Boyd Haddow,  here at Queen Park Cemetery in Calgary.  I have learned recently that several of my family members had homes in both Calgary and Drumheller.  These sorts of discoveries are, for me, wondrous.  I feel like Alice.


I have spent so much time thinking about angels….but, second to that, I’ve thought about perceptions….of angels and other things.  I can’t fathom how some can’t see past the ephemeral bits of what surrounds them….or even the notion of ones own mortality….to see the everlasting and what is truly ‘forever’.  We are all caught up in an endless conversation about our desires, our needs and our hopes.  These, alone, are intangible and yet we are constantly rooted in our own longing. 
If indeed I sit on the point of a circle…  if every other being I have encountered in this ‘silly’ lifetime is also seated on that circle somewhere …if from the sky, a beautiful feather falls from a bird…perhaps an eagle  and flutters its way to the precise center of that circle… then…we will see that feather from an angle, our own angle.  Our perception of that feather can not be right or wrong…it can only BE.  We see that natural form through our own eyes….
If then, a concept such as politics or spirituality falls from the deep blue sky above….and then, settles itself into the center of the circle; is it not the same as the feather?  Are we not able to see the concept that reveals itself to us from our own point on the circle, however different that perception  from our neighbour’s?
I’m rambling….sigh…..but tonight I am thinking about the angles of angels!