Don’t Give Up…

…without a fight.

Have you ever been put in a situation…or put yourself in a situation…where you lose control, completely.  You find yourself cornered/humiliated/vulnerable/speechless?  You lose your voice?  Loud voices are coming at you.  You see mouths moving and eyes wide open.  But, you really don’t hear a word that the voices are projecting.  You want to catch up on the conversation and what is happening, but you are so shocked that you’re NOT SAFE, that you are deemed useless, defenseless and feel only things in your body?  Oh. I’m sweating.  Oh, my heart is pounding.  Oh. Am I going to throw up?  Am I going to cry?

I’ve been thinking a lot about what is going on in a world where this is allowed to happen.  We become enraged when we remember these collective experiences happening historically, in the unbelievable and horrific impacts of colonization and slavery, of racist and immoral conduct in war.  (Presently watching the Netflix series on Vietnam, with my son.  Watch the entire series, beginning with French colonization…see what atrocities happened there.) We are shocked and freaked out when it happens on the world stage in the forum of politics, religion and foreign policy. (I can’t even name all such horrors.)

The strong prey on others.

The privilege of power; whether that is white or big or strong or conservative or educated or rich…the privilege of power is a demon in the face of building relationship or building community or building trust.

The second clutch of sparrows was attacked on the hottest day of summer.  It might have been a Magpie or a Crow.  I wasn’t home to see the events.  The Crow and the Magpie have youngsters to feed…their aggression is without thought for kindness, but for survival.  That’s the difference between human beings and Crows.  We can choose to communicate kindly, even in the face of conflict.  It is our moral imperative to do so.

Mr.  did not give up without a fight.  How do I know this?  Because his feathers show the scars of the attempt to protect his youngsters.  Mr. and Mrs. have grieved at the empty vent these past two days.


I ask myself if I had stayed home from book club, would things have turned out differently.  Maybe not.



The last painting…a wonderful, fulfilling moment!  When I look around the studio I explore the absolute potential  and passion that lies within my own mind.  Creativity!  I am astonished once again at the strength of my body and the WILL that allowed all of this to happen!  Most of all I send out to the universe, my Divine ‘everything’, the true love of my life…gratitude…that I have had again, the opportunity to co-create and bring something important out of ‘nothingness’.  Glory to God!

It is time to celebrate my strength!  I think I will finish this final painting while listening to R.E.M.  I do not require the affirmation of others.  So often now I realize the sophistication of my own mind and the ability I have within to surmount obstacles.  I can  separate myself from other people and their ‘wobbly’ choices.  My joy and the tranquil feelings I experience are no longer reliant on someone else.  There is such a  satisfying feeling looking at this passion-filled life I have created for myself.  I used to wait for someone else to create and manifest the ‘magic’ for me.  Now, Imanisfest it for myself!

One at a time, my two teens visited me in the studio last evening…they shared their perceptions…they sat quiet with me in red chairs and shared their hearts.  My life is such a rich, warm and wonderful place anymore.

YES!  Celebration!