It’s July 27 and I find grief gripping me, a little more today than yesterday. I feel it in my chest…my heart?…my head…I experience it in the hours that tick by. It is that thing that creeps in to every conversation, but not. Since losing John, it’s hard, I guess, for people to ask me how I’m doing. Nigel does through text, quite regularly, and so, I can answer him. He is one of my earthly angels. I speak to Linda. She is like a sister to me. I talk to my three children, a little.
Mom was born on July 27, 1934, in Summerside, Prince Edward Island. She died on May 31, 2013 in Picton, Ontario, having struggled with Alzheimer’s Disease for the last years of her life. Approaching her birthday, I found that I was spending time trying to remember her voice and her laugh. She is never far from me. Things that my family members do or say remind me of her. Over the telephone, my sister reminded me of some of the things Mom would say and I remembered, relieved. When I put down the phone, I sobbed. I was so grateful to remember. They were happy tears.
Grief is something that ebbs over the years, but it is never very far away. It is important for each person to find their way and to never stand in judgement of another’s grief. Loss does weird things.
My grandson has a lot to do with healing…his exploration…his words…his openness to everything and the world, help me to see with new eyes. Laughter and fun are integrated into my walk.
Nature is a part of my wellness. Walking is a part of my wellness. As I document images of the magic I encounter in nature, I am left with an imprint of positivity and beauty in the world. I am walking this journey and taking steps forward.
For me, painting is a part of the walk…whether that is the ‘not’ painting or painting. Music is a part of the walk. Last night my sister-friend treated me to a ticket to see Sheila E at the folk festival. Everything about the day was helpful and healing.
The energy, the sunlight and heat, and the presence of others were all components of a healing day. I am constantly in the process of loving those family, friends and students who have moved out of my physical circle and have moved on to the next part of their journey in the spiritual expression of their souls. My heart is large enough to always be close to them, but oh my, sometimes I really miss their embrace and presence.
May God be always at my side.
Mom, I am thinking of you today.