I was thinking about something today. Why am I learning (most times) to keep my fingers off of the key board when I feel very passionate about some of the issues regularly posted on Social Media? My track record is that I’ve slid into ‘confrontation’ very easily in life (since being in high school) because I felt that confronting an issue was profoundly important to give voice to my thoughts on issues. I thought that by vocalizing, and usually emotionally, I had the ability to change the perception of the other or convince them that the way that they were viewing an issue was ‘wrong’ or just plain weird.
It’s taken many years…sixty one of them…to figure out that it is not necessary to vocalize, in order to make an impact or to solve a problem. There are just some things that one is powerless to change. It is healthy, instead, to empower oneself through action that is productive and meaningful.
It is possible to create change in the world by more consistently being an exemplar for others around issues and doing so with some humility and grace.
Recently, I found an all-encompassing article about what can sometimes happen in marriages that are strained or not working because of communication styles. When two people, who see an issue differently, have a shouting brawl, are they able to solve the problem at hand? When a couple is in a perpetual state of silence, are matters being resolved? If it interests you, please click on the link below because I think that meekness is a fundamental quality that would be effective in dealing with the huge heap of problems that seem to be facing human beings today.
Regarding our view of history and decisions that are made for us, rather than with us, we will always find people with strong beliefs, taking polar opposite positions. It is human nature. Democracy is built on the belief that all people have the freedom to express these points of view. What, I suppose, we might want to work on is how we express these.
Social media has created another layer of communication in our lives. Its access and simplicity provides the opportunity for us to speak, without thoughtfulness and to send words that do not represent our most productive, kind or professional selves. There, our words represent ourselves for all time. No pulling them back. We need to weigh and measure what that might mean. An intellectual, Marshall McLuhan, once surmised, it is at these times that, the medium becomes the message. I think that we are daily, in the sad position of falling into this trap.
Discussions about Donald Trump as President, the visit of celebrities to profess their views on Environmental Issues, whether or not Global Warming is a scientific fact, the responsibilities that fall on Canadians to take account of past mistakes where our Indigenous peoples are concerned, Rachel Notley and the NDP Government, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, the treatment of women in modern society, Rape, Foreign Policy and military intervention, Syria and Rwanda before, fossil fuels, exploration of the North, the status of wildlife the world over, to name but a few…listen folks…there is much to talk about, but without having productive conversations about the issues, how can we possibly be the creative productive problem solvers that this planet requires?
While Kevin Thomas’s points in the following segment of his essay may address a style of communication in marriage, a person can really apply this to any matter where human beings are concerned in an engaging and helpful conversation.
From Kevin A. Thomas’s personal blog, the Warning: Rocky Times Ahead
The end to apathy is not aggression; it’s meekness.
- It’s the middle ground between aggression and apathy
- It’s attacking a problem, but never a person
- It’s communicating about difficult topics, but with humility
- It’s submitting every issue to a higher purpose and never blowing things out of proportion
- It’s understanding what matters and refusing to stay silent about it
Meekness communicates that one still cares about the marriage. It announces “I’m still here.” It shows concern for the other person. It reveals a vulnerability and welcomes the other person to reciprocate.
Meekness reigns in the aggressive and it provokes the apathetic.
For some, meekness would say “stop yelling.”
For many, meekness would say, “start talking.”
Wonder if you operate with meekness? Consider the following questions:
- Do you regularly resolve issues?
- Do you communicate your full heart to your spouse?
- Are you able to talk about every issue without great fear? Money? Sex? In-laws?
- Do you and your spouse protect each other’s hearts?