Songs in Ordinary Time by Mary McGarry Morris

Another Oprah recommendation, Songs in Ordinary Times has felt like an epic read…taking me a surprising month to complete just 740 pages.  It was snowing this afternoon.  I curled up under blankets and finally finished this tale of a very sad family. Someone who reads a book a week, I had to ask myself, “What was it about this book that hung you up?”

Here are just three reviews from Amazon.  I chose the following three reviews because, in a few areas, they express my thoughts.  I’ve indicated in bold text, my agreement.  You may be interested in perusing the others before you take this book on.  Warning!!  Not everyone who writes a review, knows how to write!  YIKES!!  I can’t take liberties with editing in this situation.  Sorry.

Review #1

2.0 out of 5 stars I CAN’T BELIEVE I READ THE WHOLE THING! February 6, 2000

I purchased this book because I trusted Oprah’s judgment, and I wanted a long book to get lost in during summer ’99. Well, it is now February 2000. Through great discipline on my part, I’m finally finished. I feel gypped. There were so many extraneous characters, and their fates were never disclosed. Why introduce characters when they ultimately fizzle out? Why couldn’t the author spend more time giving insight into the main characters? Reading this book made me feel voyeuristic. There was a lot of surface “dirt,” and I was frustrated by not knowing what made the characters tick. The adults were despicable: sleazy Omar, irresponsible Sam, needy/abusive Marie (I’m no shrink – was she manic-depressive?), among other losers. However, my heart broke for the children. I truly cared about Alice, Norm and Benjy; and I was pleased that the story ended somewhat optimistically – for Alice, at least.

This book should come with a warning: Only read it if you’re too happy. It’s guaranteed to bring your mood down several notches.

Review #2

4.0 out of 5 stars If you have patience… December 23, 2002

By Theresa W

If you can get through the first 150 pages, you’ll be happy you did. With a slow start, that’s when the story really starts to pick up & you start to remember the characters, there’s a lot of them! I agree with an earlier reviewer in that there were too many sub-plots & characters.

I did end up liking the book, and I was VERY close to putting it down & not finishing it. I am glad I stuck it out. The characters are memorable. Their plights, long & hard. You will cringe with them when things go wrong. It’s a story that is so believable it feels real. I see why Oprah picked it.

Just remember, there are many books that start off slow, but they don’t always have such a rewarding ending.

Review #3

4.0 out of 5 stars Knowing the setting isn’t everything January 11, 1999

By B. Michael Harlow

A friend who lives in nearby Rutland, Vermont, loaned me this book because she had loved it. I should trust her taste. I guess I’m a snob because knowing it was an “Oprah Book” and that its setting was Rutland, Vermont (thinly disguised as “Atkinson, VT”) slowed down my beginning to read it; I’d had it for a year before guilt set me going once my friend had asked so much whether I’d started it yet. I loved it! It is not a layered piece of philosophic artistry, but the characters are so true and the honest striving of so many of them is so palpable that I’ll buy a copy for my classroom library. These people are flawed, for sure, but most of them are striving mightily to live a good, moral life, especially Marie Fermoyle, whose kids probably see her as mean. But the novelist’s keen and unflinching sympathies let us see a woman in a hard place trying to do right even if she does not always succeed. I found many scenes very profound emotionally, especially the scene where Benjy wants to drown [285–6] and the scene in which Benjy tells his brother Norm the truth [438]. Many of my favorite scenes involved Benjy, the youngest Fermoyle who just wants his mother to be happy, but who carries the load of so many secrets. I also loved occasional descriptions such as this: “Her perfume smelled of roses and wrinkled dollar bills.” [502] The language does not often call attention to itself, but the characters are unfailingly well-observed and believable. There are enough psychologically complex but accessible characterizations to fill a family’s social circle in a small city like Rutland. The book also unfolds slowly enough that a reader can really get the sense of the passage of time in the summer of 1960. I moved to Rutland ten years later in 1970, but it was still essentially the town from whose Catholic high school Morris had graduated in 1957. Knowing the geography, however, is not the main pleasure of the novel; its compassionate and accurate reach goes well beyond merely regional items.

My thoughts on character….

I despised the characters both individually and as a collective.  They felt weak.  Omar’s manipulation and his lies were disturbing.  Marie’s needy dependance on Omar even when she knew that he was impossibly corrupt and her disregard for her own children angered me.  Benji kept secrets because of the ideal life he wished for his family.  Norm was overwrought with anger.  Alice was merely coping.  Sam was busy trying and failing and trying again. Father Gannon was weak. I don’t ditch books.  I am stubborn and so I kept reading even though the content was dark and disturbing.

The redeeming qualities of the novel included the authentic description.  Also, the world is NOT ‘all roses’ and the pain was true-to-life.  I suppose I would say that fiction offers us an opportunity to escape the sadness a little.  This novel was humourless.

I have no idea what the criteria was for Oprah’s recommendations and this one really makes me wonder.  I’m posting the list of her reading group questions here, in the case that the questions give some sort of insight into her motivation.

The Oprah synopsis:

About the Book
It’s the summer of 1960 in Atkinson, Vermont. Marie Fermoyle is a strong but vulnerable divorced woman whole loneliness and ambition for her children make her easy prey for dangerous con man Omar Duvall. Marie’s children are Alice, seventeen – involved with a young priest; Norm, sixteen – hothead and idealistic; and Benjy, twelve – isolated and misunderstood, and so desperate for his mother’s happiness that he hides the deadly truth he knows about Duvall.

We also meet Sam Fermoyle, the children’s alcoholic father; Sam’s brother-in-law, who makes anonymous “live” calls from the bathroom of his failing appliance store; and the Klubock family who – in contrast to the Fermoyles – live an orderly life in the house next door.

Songs in Ordinary Time is a masterful epic of the everyday, illuminating the kaleidoscope of lives that tell the compelling story of this unforgettable family.

Epic!  YES!

  1. Omar Duvall is known to the reader as a dishonest and potentially dangerous man. Why do you think the people of Atkinson are drawn to such a reprehensible figure? What does he offer people like Marie, Benjy, Harvey Klubock, and Bernadette Mansaw? Why do these characters refuse to accept the truth about him, even when it’s clearly evident that he has lied to them?
  2. How do you feel about the character of Marie Fermoyle? Given the circumstances she’s had to face — the breakup of her marriage to the heir of a prominent family, the economic hardships she’s endured, the scrutinizing eyes of neighbors and other members of the community — can you sympathize with her actions towards her children, Oman Duvall, and her ex-husband?
  3. Although most of the novel’s characters are flawed, few of them are truly malevolent. Discuss, for instance, Renie LaChance’s telephone calls to women, Sonny Stoner’s affair with Eunice, Father Gannon’s affair with Alice, Robert Haddad’s Thievery, and Sam’s alcoholism. What do these characters, and their failings, have in common? What compels them in their actions?
  4. What do Joey Sheldon and his popcorn stand represent to the novel and/or to the town of Atkinson? Why do you think people feel so strongly about Joey, one way or the other?
  5. How does Morris use humor to offset the darker events of the novel? Do her humorous passages make you more sympathetic toward characters such as Omar Duvall, Jarden Greene, or Astrid Haddad?
  6. Why do you think Norm, who had been Omar Duvall’s greatest detractor, is taken in by the soap-selling scheme? How does Omar manage to manipulate Norm’s feelings about him, and why, eventually, does he fail?
  7. What does Father Gannon mean when he tells Alice, “I realize that my faith has become a wholeness. It’s a unity of mind and soul. And flesh … I finally feel like a real priest!” Do you think he really loves Alice? What does she give him and what, in turn, does he offer her?
  8. Omar insists that he truly loves Marie, despite all the ways in which he has deceived her. Do you believe him? Do you believe his involvement with the Fermoyle family has changed him? What clues does Morris offer, especially in the final scene involving Oman, Norm, and Benjy, that affect your feelings either way?
  9. How does the concept of salvation figure in the novel? Which characters can’t be saved from their own desperate acts, and which are trying desperately to save themselves?
  10. What do you think the future holds for Marie Fermoyle and her family? How has the presence of Oman Duvall changed each of them, as well as their relationships with each other?

Watching My Life Happen

Sometimes, most times, always…it’s not about what I choose to do.  It’s, for the most part, about how I respond (no sense, reacting) to what happens.  Just this past week, my friend embraced her sister and, together, they held their brother in their arms while he breathed his last breath.  Her story, shared in the studio, took my own breath away…the story at her core…the letting go…the holding on…the shared narrative…a life…a voice…gone.  She dialed up his answering machine…I listened and left a message.  The tiny fragments of a big life, left behind and cherished.  I know.  This post is fragmented (not coherent).  What is it that I’m trying to say?  Live your real life?  Think about it.  Thanks to Mel, who shared this song earlier this week.  It makes sense to me.

Colin Hay – Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll stand on the bow, and feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

When I woke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Just let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call
It’s gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon
It’s just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Afternoon in the Garden

 

Fridays spent relaxing…walking the hills that overlook the city…wandering book stores, experiencing the wind as leaves do somersaults down the road…it’s all so wonderful.  My mums…the last of the plants to bloom.  Good-bye beautiful summer…hello frosty mornings.

Gorilla House LIVE ART Battle: October 18 2012

Theme I took on….of the three concepts offered last night…”She was pretty?”

I was thinking throughout about my mother…my grandmother…love relationships of every sort and the depth of our feelings within them.  The Antoine de Saint-Exupery quote that finally appears on the surface is “You are responsible for your rose.”

After using bits of my mother’s old sewing patterns as a basis for the collage, I intuitively took on the archetype of the bride.  It was interesting because as I walked around looking at other artist’s interpretation of the theme, the whore…an opposite archetype, was surfacing in several of the pieces.  This is why I love this approach to making art, one never knows what is going to be an emphasis.  Art is so personal.

Thanks to Elaine for purchasing this piece at auction.  Photograph to follow.  Thank you Belinda Fireman.

Chapter 21: The little prince had left his planet and had finally landed on earth. There he found a huge rose garden in a desert. Now, he had left a beautiful rose(the only rose) on his planet. He had formed a wonderful love relationship with this rose who had told him that she was unique. Here, on earth, he found a huge garden of roses.

Dejected he wandered on until he heard cries from a small fox saying “Tame me.” The little prince asked “What is it to tame?” The fox replies, “It is to establish ties. ..to me, you are nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys and I have no need of you. ….But if you tame me , than we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.”

“I am beginning to understand, ” said the little prince. “there is a flower..”
The fox continues to plead with the little prince and says
“One only understands the things that one tames…if you want a friend tame me…” Finally the little prince agrees. The fox then details a procedure in which he will come everyday to the spot in the woods and the fox comes also. There they would view each other from a distance of safety for several days. Over time they would draw closer and closer until they had built a bond of trust. Then they would have tamed one another.

This is, of course, what we do with our friends and our spouses. Regrettably, we quite often forget the rest of the story.

The little prince and the fox proceed to follow the taming process and at the end of it the fox is overjoyed. When the time of departure of the little prince arrives, the fox says “I shall cry.” The little prince laments that the taming has done the fox no good. But the fox responds, “It has done me good.” And then he refers to the color of the wheat fields (which are the color of the little prince’s hair) that will always remind him of the little prince and the joy he has brought him.

He suggest that he go and look at the rose garden again and see if any of them are like HIS rose.The little prince does so, agrees that the roses are nothing like his rose and then returns to say goodbye to the fox.

It was then that the fox told him his secret: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” “You become responsible , forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose…”

Piece produced by artist, Riley Rossmo in close proximity to me. Amazingly skilled.

Thank you, Elaine!

Please Share Your Photos of Your ART HEARTS WITH ME! Gorilla House LIVE ART

If you have been tucking your art hearts away somewhere, please share your photo with me and I will post it on this blog post!  If you haven’t been to the Gorilla Battles, it’s time for you to start your own collection of hearts! ;0)

I have a part of my collection on my Haitian chicken sculpture.

Belinda’s Art Hearts: Photo Credit Belinda Fireman

Melissa’s art hearts: Photo Credit Melissa Centofanti

Marceline’s Art Hearts on her dash.

Debbie’s Art Hearts on her Phone.

Baby’s Art Heart…due to meet all gorillas any day now.

Morgan’s Art Hearts on leather. And the eye???

Rinse Room Art Heart

Bathroom Mirror Art Hearts

Play Me Art Heart

Some of Shauna’s art hearts!

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. Jules Renard

It’s a Girl

A couple of stories on CBC radio hit me this morning as I was driving to or from the off leash park.  One of them was an interview on The Current between Anna Maria Tramonti and Evan Grae Davis.  The interview shared some insights about the documentary, It’s a Girl.  Following, is the trailer…but, I also encourage you to listen to the interview linked above.  Today, in the west, we recognize Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day…I can not help but feel overcome by the selective ‘gendercide’ that occurs daily on our planet.  This is yet another manifestation of ‘the bully’ that I wrote about just a few days ago.  These are the baby girls without faces…without names.  It is important that we inform ourselves of the implications of this.

Following…an exerpt from an interview published in Arizona Public Media PBS.

Story by Mark McLemore

September 21, 2012

Mark McLemore: What sorts of stories are you able to tell in this film?

Evan Grae Davis: It tells several different sides of the gendercide story, from a woman who admits to having taken the life of eight of her own daughters in the quest for a son. It tells the story of a family whose daughter was killed in a dowry related murder, so it shows that side of it as an adult woman being married into an arranged marriage. Her dowry was inadequate to please her husband’s family, then she had a daughter, they wanted a son and they ended up killing her. It tells the story of an Indian woman who fled her husband’s family to save her twin girl, her twin daughters from being forcibly aborted, and is today fighting a court battle to bring justice to her husband’s family for having broken this law against this sex determination testing.

It also captures a story about a girl that, a newborn baby girl that was abandoned in China and was picked up and adopted and raised by another family so it kind of shows the angle that there are people who don’t ascribe to this son preference, but do value girls and to the point that they would raise someone else’s child as their own.

[And we] tell the story of a young girl who was kidnapped from the front steps of her own home into a family who needed a bride for their son and so it captures that side of the human trafficking and the child bride kidnapping that occurs very commonly now in China. So it really tries to explore the issue from several of these different angles.

Mark McLemore: What were the biggest obstacles you encountered in trying to travel to these countries to tell this story?

Evan Grae Davis: One of the greatest obstacles was naturally finding people who were willing to share their story because clearly anyone who’s taking the life of their own child or who has participated in this practice of gendercide is going to be very reluctant to share about it, so I think the greatest challenge was just finding the stories, getting connected to them and then…and finding people willing to share them.

There’s a natural sensitivity, especially in China, of the danger of coming out, of publicizing your story. Our first concern obviously was the protection of those who were willing to share their story, not wanting to bring more trouble to them because they were willing to help us with the project so how do we protect their identity. How do we insure that their willingness to help doesn’t cause them a lot more trouble? So that was probably the biggest challenge we ran into.

Flaming June by Fredrick Lord Leighton 1830-1896

If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it. Tennessee Williams

Hugo

The movie, Hugo, really struck a chord with me.  Most of you saw it a good while ago…I had heard that it was beautiful.  And it was.  I was especially taken by the artistry of the film…its incorporation of all things sculptural, emotive and colourful.  I was delighted by the various links to early films, story boards, set design and sketches, but especially intrigued by the automaton that became as much a central character as the young boy, Hugo Cabret, played by Asa Butterfield.

If you haven’t seen this film as yet, please do.  Reviews cover the spectrum from admiration to disdain, as always…many complaints about various aspects of this Scorsese film, beginning early with the english accents in a french setting.  To state the obvious, movies, like music, speak to the individual heart.  Hugo spoke to mine. Fabulous!

Today I’ve spent some time exploring automatons and wondering about the complexity of their construction.  I’m posting a few bits here.

Leonardo’s programmable cart.

Bee Kingdom Exhibits SUPERCUTE at Ruberto Ostberg Gallery

Ruberto Ostberg Gallery is currently exhibiting SUPERCUTE and once again, I am so inspired and proud of Bee Kingdom for the experience that they offer us.  Attending one of their exhibits does not entail a ‘high art’ experience of perusing art without dialogue.  It is an event that welcomes interaction, discourse and consistently creates an atmosphere of shared ideas.  Besides…Phil, Tim, Kai and Ryan are just so darned warm, wonderful AND cute!

The Bully

Recently I’ve been receiving a number of communications giving me the opportunity to sign a petition and requesting me to share the same regarding the death of Amanda Todd.  As yet, I’m deleting these…I am just too overcome by the immensity of the underlying issues that face humanity in this regard and this blog post is written as a way of venting some of that.

PETITION: Arrest Cyber Bullies Responsible for Amanda Todd’s Death

I am left profoundly affected by yet another story of an unnecessary loss of life.  I am once again left with a sense of helplessness, as well, and I’m not signing the petition. I’ll explain why.  As a teacher in a school, I saw bullying and fought to prevent and fight and abolish and appropriately manage and discipline it for thirty years.  Even when a boy in the back of the class once raised his hand and said…”Ms. Moors, why do you keep trying to get rid of bullying?  You stop one bully and we go out of your class and there are three more.  The world is full of bullies!  Stop wasting your time.  Stop wasting our time.”  Hmmm…

I know that I’ve been preoccupied for months about the issue of litter.  This is a very small metaphor for bullying.  Bullying is like litter.  Few people want to take notice of it.  And, as I’ve discovered, no one wants to take responsibility for it. “I don’t litter.  I wonder who made this mess.  It’s those dog-walkers.  It’s the after school groups.  It’s Wal-Mart.  Darned flyers.”

If you ask an individual today, “Have you bullied someone?”  For the most part, the reply would be…”I don’t bully.  Never have.  Someone else bullies.”

Have all of the hoodlums who destroyed parts of Vancouver because of the outcome of a single game of hockey…how long ago…have all of them been caught?  brought to justice?  Was there compensation for the people who suffered property damage because of that?  Who do we petition?  Who will deal with the bullies?

In Syria…the world has stood by as children, women and innocent citizens have been killed by the thousands.  And what has come of it?  Who do we petition? Who will deal with the bullies?

What of 14-year-old Malala Yousafzai, shot  because she campaigned for the education of girls in Pakistan?  Will young girls be given the right to education?  Who do we petition?  Who will deal with the bullies?

Were the LOST BOYS of the Sudan, bullied?  They ran through the night…night after night.  Who do we petition?  Who will deal with the bullies?

Even today someone made comment of hearing a domestic conflict in their neighbourhood.  How many women or men are dealing with psychological, emotional or physical abuse today without our knowing?  Behind closed doors, do you demand? call names? swear? rant? hit? pound on walls? throw things? call down?  laugh at or mock? Are your children watching?  Are they listening?  Are they hiding?

Children learn how to bully.  They learn the lessons of bullying through the media, yes…but they also learn through fault of the adults that surround them.  Who is responsible for stopping the bullying?  Is it the schools?  The church?  Who can we make responsible for bullying so that we don’t have to take the job on ourselves?

I’ll tell you what…parents need to decide what is most important to them.  Demonstrate through love and exemplars loving values.  Show what you believe to be healthy.  Stand up for an environment where confrontation occurs without causing one person to feel less valued, less special.  Give children voices that will be heard.

The bully is pervasive…in the downtown towers of the city…on the streets…in every town, village, home and country.  Who do we petition?

Amanda Todd puts a very personal face to a very challenging issue.  It isn’t enough to petition that her cyber bullies be caught and brought to justice.  Tonight there are many more just like her…and the same evil comments, names, threats and taunts are being delivered their way.  Are we vigilant?  Are we finding them? stopping them? giving our children tools to cope with them?  What can we do?  What should we do?

My new friend, Terry Storey, photographer and evidently, eloquent writer, has left me a very inspiring note.  It reads…

Kathleen:

You mention that children learn to bully. I am not so sure that is the case. Children are ego centric from day one; in that, they want, want, want, and are programmed to cry if their wants are not met. They, in essence, bully their parents with wailing to get what they want.

As they grow older and experience the world their list of wants grows in quantity and sophistication. It expands from food, warmth, and clean diapers to the toy that the other kid at kindergarten has, to the new bike or doll or baseball glove that the kid up the block has. Crying is no longer the appropriate means of fulfilling needs. Verbally asking for those things is one strategy. Just taking those things (bullying) is another strategy. It’s not so much learning as a natural progression of behavior.

And the bullying is rewarded in a number of ways. If the bully is bold enough, threatening enough, or physically strong enough he/she is rewarded by getting whatever they set out to get. That’s one form of reward.

But society is set up generally to reward bullies. It’s called capitalism. The stock market is a perfect example. Investors who are endowed with intelligence and good business sense make a profit buying and selling stock at somebody else’s expense.They get their reward in dollars and in prestige.

While bullying is not learned public school sports is a perfect training ground for it. In hockey, baseball, football, you name it, there are winners, bullies by virtue of superior athletic skill and aggression, and losers, victims by virtue of weakness or lack of coordination or stamina.

Society creates and enforces laws to try and make a level playing field for all types of endeavors. But the field is never level because people have differing abilities. The slow have to compete with the quick for the same prizes and the quick generally win. They bully their way to the top with their superior intelligence and skills. And they feel justified in doing so.

The death of the young woman in BC was a tragedy. The RCMP are investigating by examining her online activities in social websites and emails. If evidence of criminal harassment exists charges will be laid, too late unfortunately to save her life or to prevent the hell that led to her suicide.

The system definitely failed the young woman. It is my understanding that the young woman transferred schools several times to escape the bullying but it occurred wherever she went. What was her behavior like that it would attract bullying everywhere she went? Was she offered psychiatric help? Why were her pleas for help on video ignored?

I don’t have any answers to the questions you asked in your essay. I just have more of my own. I suggest to you, though, that in our society bullying is the norm. Compassion is the exception. Most of the victims muddle through, scarred for the effort. The more sensitive ones or maybe the more intelligent sometimes come to the conclusion that it is just not worth it and exit the stage.

In the final analysis I can change nothing but me. I struggle even with that. And perhaps the best any of us can do is strive for compassion in our dealings with others and settle for common civility.

It is a jungle out there. For many the struggle not to be a beast is overwhelming.

Terry Storey

 

Hi from Slovenia.

I thought that this connects well with your bullying blog.

Hollee

Begin forwarded message:

 

From: L’Arche Canada <jean_vanier_daily_thoughts@larche.ca>
Subject: Jean Vanier – Daily Thought – 2012-10-14
Date: 13 October, 2012 11:20:01 PM MDT

 

L'Arche Foundation Logo
Sunday 14 October 2012
Attaining Maturity

Many of Aristotle’s principles are valid for any ethics. Being human does not mean simply obeying laws that come from outside, but attaining maturity. Being human means becoming as perfectly accomplished as possible. If we do not become fully accomplished, someting is lost to the whole of humanity. For Aristotle this accomplishment derives from the most perfect activity: that of seeking the truth in all things, shunning lies and illusions, acting in accordance with justice, transcending oneself to act for the good of others in society.

Jean Vanier, Made For Happiness, quoted in Jean Vanier, Essential Writings, p. 27