Because I am retired, it is easy to relish a day and to get in touch with everything inside that is natural. For the first while, there was an invasive sense of guilt that would pour over me. I worked hard for my entire life and so for awhile it seemed completely unnatural to NOT feel anxiety. I’m glad that has changed.
I wrote two pieces of poetry this morning. I’m writing a series of works based on my mother’s journey with alzheimer’s disease. I often thought this summer, “What if Mom could consciously describe ‘inside her head’ what her observations are of this experience.” I’m trying to give my mother a large voice, in my poems. I’m thinking it’s a tad arrogant to do this because it supposes things that ‘are’ OR ‘aren’t’ OR ‘are likely not’ OR ‘are invented’ from my own observations as daughter-writer, not from the authentic experience of being ‘inside’ my mother’s head. Long-story-short, today I wrote two poems. This was over coffee, after bird-watching and before dog-walking.
And then, I headed for the hills. It has been a spectacular autumn! Perhaps, we had two afternoons of rain and the rest of the days have been filled with sunshine and golden leaves. What a restful and meaningful season for me! The leaves, just the past two days have turned from golden to brown and now they crunch underfoot. Tomorrow, the weatherman reports that we will move into a cold spell. Autumn changes. The hoses are stored in the shed now and the water turned off to the outside. The bikes, tuned up in anticipation of spring, are stored away.
This is what I love about living here. I was thinking about the landscape that most speaks to my heart and this is it. I can not help but think of my grandfather, John Moors, when I am in a space like this…with the smell of autumn and a bright dappled sky.
When we returned home, I got into reading a book, inscribed “To Jacqueline, All my best, Chris Czajkowski”. It is titled Diary of a Wilderness Dweller. What an exceptional thing this diary is! I went on to visit the Nuk Tessli photo blog, with interest in one day making this a wilderness hiking trip for myself. In the past, I would not have enjoyed this opportunity to dream and relax with a book on a Wednesday afternoon. Oh, I feel such gratitude!
This year is a year of possibility and wonder! Now, out I retire to the studio where I will coat the refurbished chair with varathane so that I can move onto the dresser. I’d like the furniture to be finished before the snow flies and out of the studio so that I can attack the next cribbed panel.