I woke this morning to snow. It was a ‘magical’ gathering of sister-friends last evening…a time to chat and debrief and share Vietnamese food. I made my way home on slippy roads and curled up to watch the boxed set of The Sopranos.
I hope like heck I never ‘become’ Anthony’s mother! (this makes me smile as I recall her line spoken again and again, ‘I wish the Lord would just take me.’) Lately, with the loss of another relationship, (yeah, I know, how can best friends break up? and what the heck happened there anyway?) I have been more than a wee bit cranky and unhappy. I sent out to the universe yesterday, one last snippet of hope for a reconciliation, but having been rejected again, realize that it is time to recover and move forward, regardless of the huge blast of emotional wind that wants to tip me over. I’ve decided just to walk into that tumult (how freakin dramatic) again…and create my best life.
I don’t typically blog ‘the stuff of life’ and sometimes I think that people get the wrong idea about me. While I sometimes talk about painful topics…the state of the environment…the loss of children, I rarely go into the struggles, but focus in this forum on the beauty…the magic.
This morning, with the ten inches of snow that cover the spring garden, I am feeling braver about life. I have the intellectual sense to know that painful events are a part of the magic of life as well. I have learned over this lifetime that I am resilient and while this is another huge chasm for me to cross (it once took me 15 minutes to reach my hands across, while tethered to a rope, to cross a 500 foot chasm in the mountains), I will be able to make much of this new knowledge.
The manner in which this break up happened taught me more than the three years of sharing. And I find that remarkable…because it was such a beautiful and life-giving relationship. Primary to my learning in all of this is the notion of honesty. I hope to never lose my inherent inclination for utter and complete honesty, even though it has become evident over my lifetime that honesty is not rewarded, contrary to popular belief.