Fears and Doubts…
I have read something this morning…and it makes me think about people and their struggles…struggles with all sorts of things…business, family, illness, love. I find I have to write, respond or even shout out my thoughts. I choose to put these thoughts out to the world…you are my audience. What comes to mind, is a metaphor.
When I get into my red canoe each day, I have thought about, prayed about and ‘buy into’ a huge degree of BELIEF around the researched course I am going to take. I leave room for spontaneity, knowing full-well there will be surprises along the way.
I get my feet wet a bit when stepping into my canoe…but it doesn’t take long and the thing stops rocking back and forth…I find my core…my center…and the canoe nestles into the strange sense of ‘river’…(a feeling of having something solid lifting me up…but know in my heart that the water is almost transparent. It WILL NOT hold me up. It is cold and even dangerous). There is nothing predictable really or dependable about the vessel I am in…nothing truly dependable about the course drawn out on the map. But, there is a solid determination about it all. There is trust.
I take note of the fear…and then let it go…if I hang on to fear, I am not free to follow that course that I have planned for…prayed about…and have belief in.
I work like hell on the river, keeping the boat steady…avoiding the scree along the edges…watching ahead for a change in water, any obstacles…and I steer around them. My partner has to commit to the journey…we shout out to one another…we decide almost instantaneously on a j stroke…or a cross bow draw…we work together in a committed sort of fashion and we are committed to the idea from the time we both stepped into that boat.
If I am dumped, I turn my feet downstream….I collect my paddles…I make certain my partner is ok…I save the boat and my belongings. My TIMEline is different now as a result of the dump, but I modify according to the needs of my partner and myself.
Lack of commitment to an idea is what makes us waffle in life. Lack of belief…in ourselves. If I make a decision each day to step into that red canoe, I am empowered and beautiful things can happen….if I sit on the river bank and imagine what awful things can happen…then I am losing my full potential and I am sitting still.
I once found myself pulled out of an eddy on the Similkamean River and into a strong current…I was sitting in a kayak…only learning…just three days experience of white water. While sitting in that eddy, our Outward Bound instructor was about to give us instructions on how to manage our way through a huge bit of dangerous white water called Devil’s Gulch (of course)…I knew nothing about how to orient my way through, but could not get myself back into the eddy! Liz shouted at me from across the water, paddling parallel to me…."Punch! Punch! Go through as hard as you can! Punch!" In my peripheral vision, I saw her paddle back to shore….she was gone…no one in my boat….just me.
I faced the huge rock steps myself…felt myself quickly going into rougher and rougher water….got a visual sense of the grade that was changing….and the only thing I heard in my mind was…"Punch!" The harder I punched my arms out….the stronger my sense of control. I fought…and found myself pounding down the toughest bit of water I had ever known. I stayed upright the entire time…it was unbelievable!
We can choose to live our lives like this! It is however, a choice.